Happy Seizure

Dumb things done while travelling

2021-09-03T00:00:00+10:00

Every now and then I am reminded of an old travel memory and I look back on some of the dumb things I did without realising it at the time, like the time I visited Denton, Texas.

Denton is a city on the outskirts of the Dallas-Fort Worth metro area, about a 40 minute drive directly from downtown Dallas. My adventure there was the result of a free-plan trip around the US with an unlimited Greyhound bus pass. I had originally intended to head to Austin but after being unable to secure accommodation I quickly worked on a backup plan, which at that time usually meant asking myself ‘which close-ish city is a band playing so that I have something interesting to do tonight?’.

So of course, a band I had some passing interest in was playing in Denton that night. A quick Google later and I discovered I could get some relatively cheap motel accommodation, plus I had the bus pass that wasn’t going to cost me anything extra to get there, so off I went.

Now keep in mind I was backpacking, so when I say a cheap motel, I mean pretty much the cheapest accommodation available. It wasn’t actually that bad but it definitely wasn’t ideally located. You know the type, just off the highway, nowhere near the city they purport to be in.

As for the venue, it was out in the back of a run down industrial estate and right next to the train tracks. Just imagine this place at night.

To set the scene a little more, it’s 2010 and there’s no Uber, I’m on a backpacker’s budget so there’s no way I’m bothering with a taxi, and don’t forget I’m staying at a highwayside motel far from the centre of town, and Google Maps wasn’t so great with the public transport directions so a bus wasn’t a simple option either. Obviously this is a walking situation!

Quick recap on the situation: Random Texas town, no transport, poorly-lit industrial areas… So the other day I was reminiscing on on all of this and I got to thinking. The whole premise of the situation was kind of dumb, but now with the benefit of hindsight just how dumb was this adventure?

For a start, it’s 4.2 miles (6.7km) each way from the motel to the venue, in a city I have zero familiarity with.

It was the middle of summer and part of the walk to the show was through undeveloped land, covered in tall grass.

And while reflecting on all of this, I thought maybe I should google “How safe is Denton, TX?”

Grim. Oh, what’s this, a map overlayed with data displaying areas of highest crime?

Oh.

Road trip to Yellowstone National Park

2016-09-25T06:18:11+10:00

Yellowstone National Park, tucked away in Northwest Wyoming, is one of those bucket-list places that is easy to dream of seeing, but for distance, time and expense factors, never feels like it is truly on the cards. My interest in the park was heightened after reading Bill Bryson’s A Short History of Nearly Everything which, among other things, detailed how the park sits atop a ‘super volcano’ which has shaped the park’s unique beauty, the effects of previous devastating eruptions, and the terrifying fact that it could blow again at any time.

But to say Yellowstone could blow at any moment is to acknowledge that on a geological time scale (which could be anywhere between now and a few thousand years) geologists expect that the supervolcano may erupt again.

West Thumb Geyser Basin

So here I am, living in Vancouver and dreaming of Yellowstone. For months I’ve researched flights, considered best time of year, accommodation options, carefully counted and worked out the most effective use of vacation time, done all that stuff that makes a vacation happen. Even still, it seemed more like fantasy; Flying is expensive and I’ve already tentatively planned out how I’m using my vacation allowance well into the new year.

As it turned out, some vacation plans we made had to be postponed, leaving us with a week up our sleeves, and a car we bought earlier in the year with which to take us somewhere. Anywhere! Oh yeah, and this was almost mid-August, so Summer was as good as over. It would still technically be summer for another 3-4 weeks, and average temperatures in Yellowstone were supposed to be in the positive digits, so we figured; why not?

Bison rutting on the plains

A road trip from Vancouver to Yellowstone looked reasonably do-able. Google indicated it’s about 14 hours drive, so we planned for two days driving to get there, stopping in Spokane, WA, and again in Bozeman, MT, before entering the park on the morning of the third day.

There’s a short video of the road trip, showing much of the spectacular scenery, both in the park itself and along the way through Washington, Idaho, Spokane and Oregon:

We encountered some pretty wild weather, literally everything from glorious sunshine, through to freezing rain, snow and thunderstorms. As you see in the video, it snowed on us while we set up our tent on the first night, 30 minutes later it was blue skies, and overnight the temperature dropped below freezing with us waking up to an ice-covered tent.

The place is incredible, and neither the video, nor photos, do it justice. There is just so much to see, and what surprised me most was just how drivable the park is. You’d barely scratch the surface, but it would be possible to rush your way around the entire park loop in just a day and a half if you really had to. We had four days, which seemed like the perfect amount to take it at our own pace, seeing all the major sites such as Mammoth Hot Springs, Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone, and the multiple geyser basins including Old Faithful. Speaking of which, I have to say Old Faithful seemed incredibly overhyped and underwhelming, but lucky for us an even larger (and in my opinion, more impressive) geyser is located a short 10 minute walk away. And better still, we were treated to a rare 3-in-1 eruption!

Old Faithful

It still blows my mind to think how much we packed into 4 days. Not just geological features, but wildlife too. I saw my first ever moose, a mama bear with her cubs, and loads of bison. Oh man, the bison! They were everywhere! It got to the point that I joked how Yellowstone is a lot like Europe in that when you first arrive, everything is just so different and interesting compared to what you know, and then after a few days incredibly ornate cathedrals and buildings that are literally hundreds of years old suddenly become par for the course, and ‘just another cathedral’ or old building. It’s a little like that in Yellowstone, your initial awe of this massive beast quickly turns into your 300th bison, you sitting there behind the driver’s wheel wishing it would just hurry up and GET OFF THE DAMN ROAD SO THIS TRAFFIC CAN JUST MOVE AGAIN!!

Having said all of that it was an incredible trip, one that I’m so very lucky to have been able to go on. Hopefully one day I’ll get my chance to go visit it again.

For more images, checkout the album from Yellowstone National Park

A Weekend in Los Angeles

2016-02-24T07:22:40+11:00

I’ve been to Los Angeles a few times before, mainly for the super touristy adventures of theme parks and beaches, but I never was enamoured with the city in the same way some of my friends are. It’s sprawling and dense, busy, overpopulated, and always felt a little fake. Needless to say, it’s been very low on my list of places to re-visit so when I made a relatively impulse decision to go on a short getaway, LA was somewhat of a begrudged choice of destination.

Developing a serious case of cabin fever and a need to get out of Vancouver for at least a couple days, I searched high and low for cheap airfares to anywhere I hadn’t been before. I didn’t care if it was somewhere in remote BC, but the best deal I could find was $300 for flights to Victoria, via Calgary (for context, Victoria is about 100km SW of Vancouver, Calgary is almost 700km’s east!). And then I stumbled across direct flights to LA for about $200 return, which is a decent price.

So with that, it was time to research fun things to do in Los Angeles that can be done in a weekend, and to hopefully change my long held belief that LA sucks. And to make the challenge even harder, I’d be getting around exclusively by public transit, and I was trying to keep things as cheap as possible.

The science geek in me got pretty excited to discover that the California Science Center has the NASA Space Shuttle Endeavour on display, so obviously that immediately rose to the top of my list of things to see. It was also free (!) to visit the museum, except for the $2.50 fee to see the Space Shuttle, to help pay for a permanent exhibit structure for the shuttle. It’s an incredible sight to see, and the trip definitely peaked early with this visit being pretty much the first thing I did.

Getting in a bit of culture, Olvera St is the historic first street in Los Angeles with a little Mexican market with lots of Mexican food stalls as well. Echo Park provided an oasis of a man-made lake surrounded by palm trees to offset the noisy and fast-paced life of LA in general.Sunset Boulevard was the usual frenzy of trinket shops and tourists, made all the worse by the set up for the Star Wars: The Force Awakens premiere, and was avoided as much as possible.

As always LA was host to plenty of nightlife, and I opted for the Viper Room to catch a performance by Punk Rock Karaoke, a show that sounded super fun in theory, but was more a shambles of self-obsessed nobodies trying to sing in front of aging rock stars whose best days were behind them.

Runyon Canyon was also a special part of the trip, a short and relatively easy hike up the Hollywood Hills for great views across the vast city. Even for a mid-winter morning, the temperature was warm, turning the hike into a sweaty mission. Highly recommended.

Not so highly recommended: Catching public transit from Hollywood to LAX airport. I had several hours to kill, and a all-day unlimited transit pass, so it seemed like a great idea for a guy who enjoys experiencing a city like the locals. But transferring buses in a sketchy neighbourhood at sundown turned out to be a terrible idea. Threatened with what may or may not have been a gun or knife (I didn’t stick around long enough to find out) my adventure through LA was apparently a pretty bad idea.

All in all, an interesting and activity-packed weekend.

Below is a short video of some of the fun things to do while in Los Angeles:

DPRK Photo Essay

2016-01-18T07:06:50+11:00

Instead of posting a bunch of the same old photos every tourist snaps on their highly choreographed tour of North Korea, I’ve put together a collection of some oddly interesting yet otherwise mundane moments I captured.

Enjoy:

Entrance to the Grand People's Study House

The statue is of Kim Il Sung: this kind of thing was common at the entrance to most of their big important buildings. There was one that looked uncannily like Kim Jong Un at the entrance to the new War Memorial, though I was told recently that it’s apparently a young Kim Il Sung and it’s intended to help remind people of Kim Jong Un’s respected lineage. Unfortunately I was not allowed to take a photo.

Slim Dusty Cassette

This was taken in a room that was decked out with a boombox on every desk, for students to listen to and study music. I didn’t know what was weirder; that every desk had a boombox (not a personal music player), or that they thought a decades-old cassette would be impressive. It was oddly cute in a way. The cassette is of country music legend, Slim Dusty, clearly picked as a nod to our nationality.

Typical fare served on the tour

Most meals were dominated by pickled foods. In small doses it was pretty decent, but a week of this had me longing for some fresh

Arirang Mass Games

This is Arirang, also known as the Mass Games. It’s held in the world’s largest stadium (capacity 150k), and that picture of the Kims you see in the background is actually thousands of kids holding up cards. Their precision and speed in changing pictures and even creating the effect of moving images was impressive, to put it mildly.

Kumsusan Palace of the Sun

Kumsusan Palace of the Sun is the mausoleum housing Kim Il Sung and Jong Il’s bodies lying in state. Weirdly, it’s not so much the bodies of the two that stick out in my memory, it was the really long and incredibly slow moving-walkways that transport you around, and the displays of various modes of transport that Kim Jong Il had travelled in; the mausoleum houses Dear Leader’s old yacht, Mercedes, golf cart, and even mobile office/train carriage complete with MacBook Pro.

Hairstyles available to North Korean men

Supposedly North Korean men’s hairstyles must conform to one of a limited number of prescribed hairstyles. I don’t know how true this supposed rule is, but here are the hairstyles on offer at a barber we were taken to.

Table setting with Cathay Pacific napkin

In a Pyongyang restaurant, they decked out each place at the table with a Cathay Pacific fresh wipe. I have so many questions about so many things in NK, but this - I really want to know what this was about.

Pyongyang Film Studiuo

This is a film set from the Pyongyang Film Studio. The interesting thing about this place was how full of advertising it was (note the fake Coca Cola sign). It’s obviously to add the element of realism to scenes set outside of North Korea, but it was still really weird to see in a country where you don’t see advertising anywhere.

Bus driver learning to skateboard

This was our bus driver learning to use a skateboard. He was having so much fun playing around on this.

In the background you’ll notice a couple kids in white shirts and red scarf things. They’re ‘Young Pioneers’, a kind of scout-like organisation that centres itself around party ideals.

Playing around on the skateboards

I snapped this after coming back from a tour of one of the palaces. I don’t even remember if they asked if they could play around on our skateboards, but it was funny watching these 40+ year olds having so much fun on a skateboard.

This is our tour guide and bus driver screwing around on the skateboards yet again.

The thing I really love about these skateboard photos is that often our minders were very serious and almost robotic in the way they treated us and their jobs. While they were cordial and put on smiles, I’m not sure I would have described them as friendly but when the skateboards came out, all bets were off and they were adults suddenly transformed into giggly, happy children.

If you’re interested, I put together footage of these guys learning to skate, and the Pyongyang Skatepark.

Inside the Monument to the Workers Party

The amount of ‘world’s largest’ structures throughout NK often felt like a really weird dick measuring contest. This shot of the Workers Party Monument made that seem a little more literal.

Workers Party Monument

Empty roads of Kaesong

Road devoid of vehicular traffic in Kaesong. Despite the lack of real traffic, it was apparently still necessary for a traffic girl to keep watch and direct all the non-chaos.

Anti-tank devices by the roadside heading to the Demilitarised Zone (DMZ)

I believe these large concrete structures on the roadside are anti-tank barriers, to be toppled across the road in case of war. These lined the highway as we approached the DMZ (border with South Korea).

When I asked our guide about them, I was told they’re for preventing flooding… This very spot was on the top of a large hill.

North Korea DMZ Flagpole

There’s a good story about how South Korea built a 98 metre flagpole in the 1980’s. North Korea responded by building this much taller flagpole (160 metres).

South Korean DMZ Flagpole

The South Korean flagpole that started it all.

Propaganda in Kaesong

Pyongyang Streetscape & Ryugyong Hotel

That pyramid building in the background is the Ryugyong Hotel, aka ‘Hotel of Doom.’ Construction began in the late 80’s, and it was to be the world’s tallest at the time. Money dried up due to the collapse of the USSR and so construction was halted until recent years, when the facade was completed. It remains little more than an uninhabitable shell.

Pyongyang transit

Pyongyang Metro

The inside of a train from the Pyongyang Metro (incidentally, one of the deepest systems in the world). The ubiquitous portraits are of course even found here.

Mangyongdae Children's Palace

The Mangyongdae Children’s Palace was full of children super talented in both performing and visual arts. This picture breaks my heart because our minders were showing off this place as a point of pride, but everything in this room seemed strangely familiar, and then I realised: These were the same kinds of artwork that we were being pushed to buy in all the souvenir/book stores they took us to. At that point it went from ‘Wow, these kids are talented!’ to ‘Am I witnessing child slave labour?’

I’m still not sure if I’m just being cynical, or if my gut reaction is founded.

A choice quote from Dear Leader

Mansudae Grand Monument – Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il

Video of North Korea tour footage

2016-01-16T05:17:09+11:00

I’ve recently spent some time putting together other previously unused footage from the trip.

My aim with this was to make it a bit more of an insight into the things we were taken to see and do, including some more mundane experiences our guides felt were worth showing off.

You can also watch some other video of locals learning to skate (one even gave it a go in high heels!). Check that one out below:

Inside Bizarro Korea.

2014-07-29T08:25:54+10:00

It’s easy to dump on North Korea – officially the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea – what with their self-obsessed leaders and hilarious rhetoric, though these would be fairly superficial reasons to hate on the place. Much has been written about the terrible things that go on within the Hermit Kingdom, and while no tour into the country will ever show the true dark side of life there, it’s when you read between the lines and look beyond the façade that a visit there becomes truly discomforting.

It all starts innocently enough, hopping on a train in Beijing, going through the usual (and loooong) formalities at the border, and then beginning the slow journey to Pyongyang. Passing through lush fields and crops, past concrete train stations adorned with portraits of the Great Leader and Dear Leader, paint peeling and formwork rusting, it could almost pass for any rural Chinese or SE Asian scenery.

Typical NK train station

And then you notice the lack of cars. That wasn’t entirely weird in and of itself, but specifically it was the lack of old cars. Farming vehicles and trucks tended to be old and well worn, but any time a passenger car was seen it was shiny and new. And for a country that, economically speaking, is not doing great, it was surprising that they mostly appeared to be luxury cars, possibly Mercedes. It was a little hard to tell from the window of the train.

Disembarking the train, we’re whisked away through a bustling central square into our private tour bus, and straight off to the Yanggakdo Hotel, home to the famous and mysterious ‘5^th Floor.’ Even from the stairwell it was boarded-up so that was a no-go, but what was interesting was noticing that the majority of the floors we passed as we headed up to our 12^th-floor room were unoccupied and without power. On another night when venturing down to the basement containing bowling, karaoke and other entertainment, staff were seen coming out of side doors that led to completely dark rooms. None of this came as a surprise, but it was very telling of their situation.

The next morning came breakfast, a buffet for our group of five, plus another four or five from another group. A variety of foods were on offer, from the standard bread rolls and toast with butter and jam, through to the more traditional soups, kimchi and other pickled goods. It’s here that we receive our first proper taste of the show that is put on for tourists. Everything looks great at first glance, and then you notice that they literally don’t have enough slices of the stale bread to go around, and even less of the butter and jam to go with it. It was a similar story with the rest of the food. On the whole there was enough to feed everyone (even if our hunger was barely satisfied), but considering tourists get treated to the 5-star experience and show of North Korea’s ‘superiority’ and land of plenty, it was weird that it felt like our food was being rationed, too.

Our first two or three days were the beginner’s guide to Pyongyang: Grand People’s Study House, Triumph Arch, Kumsusan Palace (Mausoleum), Mansudae Grand Monuments, even an outing to the Arirang Mass Games. All highly regimented stuff, to the point that if the itinerary said lunch would be from 12-1pm, you better believe we weren’t leaving that restaurant until 1pm. No earlier, no later. Unscheduled stops were an absolute no-can-do, the best case scenario involving our tour guide making arrangements to fulfil requests several days later when appropriate clearance could be received.

Nothing is done on a whim, and certainly never without a minder. For the five of us we had our tour guide, Mr Kim, a secondary-guide-but-kinda-actually-minder-of-Mr-Kim, Ms. Dee, and our bus driver, Mr Lee. Their main job is clear, though their other responsibilities are much more obvious to us than they seem to realise. Their idea of subtlety is, well, not at all subtle. Mr Kim was always trying to listen in on even the most innocuous of conversations and trying to bait us with questions about what we and our government(s) think of North Korea. Ms. Dee was always at the ready with her notepad, constantly jotting notes down next to numbers between 1-5; that there were five guys in our group had to be purely a coincidence! And Mr Lee, he was always pretty chill and nice to us, especially since we kept plying him with smokes. He was apparently the only one that could not understand English. I say apparently, because it wasn’t too long before we started becoming suspicious of anything and everything going on around us.

Separating the reality from potentially poorly drawn conclusions became pretty difficult, mostly because getting a straight answer often proved impossible. There was so much the guides would say that was outright bullshit or just didn’t make any sense, and plenty of documentaries and literature draw their own conclusions such that after a while you don’t really know if you’re just imagining a more sinister background to that steering-wheel tattoo you noticed on a driver’s hand, or the children ‘practising’ art that seemed incredibly similar to those that would appear in all the souvenir stores. Paranoia and scepticism about a lot of things definitely set in.

Creating art at the Children’s Palace

One of the better-known rumours relating to NK tourism is that they supposedly bug their hotel rooms. Were they really placing bugs in our rooms, the only place we had any privacy from the constantly eavesdropping Mr Lee? I found that a little hard to believe. Would they really dedicate the resources to listening in to what is mostly inane conversation between the thousands of tourists that visit every year? I’m sure more than a few conversations critical of the regime go on behind closed hotel doors, however arrests of tourists are pretty uncommon. Then again, what of the deserted tourist beach we visited? Fenced off from the locals’ beach, we were swimming a good 30+ metres out by ourselves, when three Koreans suddenly appeared from nowhere to swim metres from us, at what was the only point in the whole eight days when we had relative privacy. And then of course, there’s the story of the 6am phone call to our room, asking if anyone was sick on the stomach… it turned out Damien had thrown up in the middle of the night. Thankfully, that one actually had a pretty innocent explanation, although hungover at 6am really isn’t the best time for creepy coincidences. Admittedly though, given these coincidences and the guides’ compulsion to watch and listen in to everything we were doing while in their care, bugged rooms aren’t entirely out of the realm of possibility.

Conspicuously absent from our encounters with most North Korean people were what we dubbed ‘human moments,’ those where they acted like regular people rather than brain-dead robots toeing the official Party line. Genuine opinions, emotions, and moments of friendly interaction were few and far between, which made the time spent there all the more difficult. Thankfully, our quest to skate the recently opened Pyongyang skate park meant we had brought a couple of boards with us, which it turned out became our tools to elicit these rare moments. Mr Kim and Mr Lee were loving the ‘panskates’ and constantly asked us to bring them out whenever there were a few minutes downtime. At one point a passing kid got involved, the smile that lit up across his face even after taking a fall, was my favourite moment from the trip. But that was the other thing we’d notice, adults tended to be very cautious of us (‘imperial bastards,’ and all…) but the kids had that youthful, no political bullshit attitude. We’d be driving along relatively deserted country roads, and every now and then a little kid with a huge smile would enthusiastically wave to our bus as we passed. Maybe this is my own naivety, but I like to think having met the people we did, especially those kids, that they’d come to realise we’re not the assholes that they’re taught to believe.

Every now and then there seems to be a slight glimmer of hope for change over there. The cult of personality revolves heavily around the Kim family, but since Kim Jon Un’s rise to power, it looked like the portraits and statues were ending with his father. These portraits and statues can be found everywhere, but of Kim Jong Un? Nothing. Zip. Zilch. I considered the thought that maybe this guy is ever so slightly less self-obsessed, and possibly a tiny step in the right direction. And that’s when, on our last day, we’re taken to the recently opened Korean War museum – the one that corrects all the propagandistic misinformation [sarcasm, people] spread by the allied forces – a magnificently opulent, palace-like complex. A pair of gigantic and massive doors flank the entrance, opening up to grand marble staircases and, straight ahead, there stands a 20-foot statue of none other than old mate Supreme Leader, Mr Kim Jong Un. So much for change…

I couldn’t make up the complete and utter weirdness of the whole thing if I tried. For a trip that was 2+ years in the planning, we’d researched and read virtually every possible resource before arriving, and we thought we knew what we were getting ourselves in for. For the most part, we got everything we expected and wanted to see: facades, bad excuses, inflexible touring, limited freedoms etc. What was wholly unexpected was the mental toll it would take. Not being able to have a simple conversation, to leave the hotel and go for a walk, to decide to spend a little more or a little less time somewhere; I’ve never felt so stripped of personal liberties. On returning to Beijing one of the boys commented on the absurdity of reaching China, and his first thought being ‘Ah, freedom!’ but that was honestly the feeling. I’d never been so relieved to have finally left a country.

The ridiculous part is that’s the extremely in-a-nutshell account of what happened. There are plenty more stories, many I’ve touched on here barely even scratch the surface. Who is Mr David, and why does he have 2 passports?? What was the perfectly reasonable excuse for why we couldn’t swim in a pool? Did a hilarious misunderstanding of Damian’s egg allergy land him in a North Korean hospital with anaphylactic shock? Why does Mr Lee get mad at us because of his own tardiness? (No, seriously, why did he?) Does the Chollima have wings? How did Mr David almost land himself in forced labour? Check later to find out, the answers will shock and amaze.

Pyongyang Skyline

Skateboarding in North Korea (Panskating Pyongyang)

2013-10-07T21:31:08+11:00

After almost two years of planning, last September I went on a trip with some mates to experience Bizarro Korea. A few months before leaving we heard about the recently-opened Ryugyong Health Complex and its attached skatepark, so we brought along a couple boards in the hopes that we might get a chance to bust some gnarly moves on the pavement of Pyongyang. After a lot of negotiation and some excellent ‘managing’ from our guide to get it organised (our guide would offer to “manage” any time we had a request), eventually successful in our attempt to visit I’m pretty sure we can lay claim to being the first outsiders to do so.

Having never seen or heard of skateboarding before, our main guide gave it his own name and took to calling them Panskates. While most of the time they toed the party line and were more like robots than humans, every time the boards came out they were about as excited as kids on ~~Christmas Day~~ Kim Jong Il’s birthday.

On the day we departed DPRK it was time to offer the obligatory gratuities, so seeing how much they enjoyed a bit of the old kick-push, we offered our boards to our guide and driver. Here’s to you, Mr Kim and Mr Lee: May you kick~~start~~flip a panskating revolution!

Kuala Lumpur

2013-01-02T21:21:44+11:00

The journey from Bali to Kuala Lumpur by air is cheap and fairly effortless. The Air Asia flight only cost about AU$40 per person, and while the seats were on the smaller side it was, after all, only a three hour flight. Not to mention the plane was half full.

On approach to Kuala Lumpur airport, palm plantations pop up out of nowhere and spread out for many kilometres, hundreds of thousands of the plants in orderly rows. You might have heard a bit about the palm plantation problem, but it’s not until you see it first hand and experience the sheer scale that you comprehend just how much destruction takes place so that palm oil can be produced like this.

The downsides of travelling with a budget airline is that quite often they fly into places that are much harder to reach. Technically, KUL is just one airport, but the terminal Air Asia flies into is on the opposite side to the larger airlines’ terminal. This means at least a good 30 minutes by taxi to get there, should you have a connection to make.

Oh yeah, and the city of Kuala Lumpur is a good 50-60 minutes from the airport by taxi, a journey that can become so tedious the taxi drivers try to find ways to keep themselves entertained (see picture further down).

It was 5-star accommodation for us again, this time with The Intercontinental. Super swish accommodation with a king size bed that would have fit about 8 people, and a huge bathroom with not one, but two windows to make sure anyone else in the room gets the best view of you figuring out the world’s most complicated bidet. Just imagine several buttons, knobs and tubes protruding from the toilet bowl, it was a daft contraption.

KL is a pretty compact city, at least as far as the main tourist attractions go. Apart from a trip to Batu Caves everything on our to-do list was all reachable by foot or, for those times we were feeling lazy and/or tired, there was plenty of tourist-friendly public transport.

First stop was Jalan Petaling, a street lined with open-air local food joints. The menu of the place we decided on wasn’t great at listing what the actual dishes were although there were pictures so I took a slight gamble on what I thought was steamed veg with satay… only what looked like satay turned out to be shrimp paste. In fact, it seemed just about every dish had shrimp in, on or around it in some form or another.

If you like to shop then you’ll want to come to KL. There is shopping centre after shopping centre, with everything from massive name brands through to smaller, more niche shops, and it’s all exceptionally cheap when compared with Australian prices.Books, clothes, eye glasses, the savings practically covered the costs of our flights!

The Petronas Towers would have to be the biggest tourist attraction in the city, quite literally as the twin skyscrapers were the world’s tallest for six years up until 2004 . At 80 Ringgit, a trip to the top works out close to AU$26. We arrived early (8am!) to secure our tickets. At that time it was a crystal clear day, not a cloud to be seen. Our tickets were for late afternoon, and by that time the evening rains had come in and at times it was literally impossible to see as far as the next tower over.

As if we hadn’t had enough of the Petronas Towers, Bee suggested we go to Traders Hotel, as it sits directly opposite the towers and has an amazing rooftop bar with unimpeded views. We rocked up without a reservation and barely managed to find a table, but the views were just ridiculous.

Having had enough of man-made structures and blowing cash on ridiculously cheap products, we headed a little further out to Batu Caves. Part temple, part monkey haven and part lookout to KL city, the caves are about a 30 minute train trip and best of all there is no entry fee… although much like Ubud in Bali, the monkeys are happy to try and fleece you of anything you have with you.

The two-and-a-bit days we had was enough to get done what we wanted, but another day or so would have been optimal. At least I know that so long as Air Asia can keep up the cheap flights, I’m sure I’ll be passing through there again soon enough.

Room with a view

2012-12-23T14:30:30+11:00

There I was, perched upon the delicately crafted throne, peering out the hotel room window to the sandy, sun kissed expanse beyond. I sat there for a few moments, slightly confounded, before my subconscious thoughts suddenly appeared; why on earth was there a window from the bathroom to the bedroom?

The picturesque bathroom.

It was a really curious feature that raised many questions, but answered none. You could try watch telly, but you wouldn’t be able to hear it. You could maybe gaze across the room, through the balcony window and out to the enclosed courtyard, but I’d hazard a guess the other hotel guests were about as interested in my bowel movements as fans of Nickelback are interested in actual music. But I digress..

We had arrived in Bali for a few days of R&R, in the hopes that there was more to the island than the bogan party paradise for which it is portrayed. Between the Indonesian exchange rate and some sweet travel agent hookups, we had organised a cheap stay at the 5-star Pullman in Legian. Few things are more relaxing than sipping on a constant supply of happy hour priced cocktails by the pool, floating there and watching the sun set over the Indian Ocean. For the most part, this was the typical experience of our stay.

“Cheap cheap,” the touts would sing from their stalls like pestering seagulls, only these guys were trying to hawk every colour Bintang singlet imaginable and counterfeit Ray Bans. Pointing to the sunglasses on my head and trying not to be dressed as just about every other Australian guy there, I brushed them off only to get the old “for you, special price!” chestnut. Bugger it, I was looking for a souvenir, so a 6 pack of Bintang stubby holders was my concession. And then I did suppose I could use another pair of Vans sunglasses… or 3. My favourites were the backward-labelled ‘snaV’ sunnies.

After a tough day of walking around in the sweltering Indonesian heat and getting lost amongst the alleyways between the two Poppies Lanes, it was time for a massage and even a fish spa.

We decided against the Spa Vagina

Talk about creepy. It’s like moths to a lightbulb, only instead of moths there are hundreds of tiny fish and the lightbulbs are your filthy, dirt-encrusted feet. They like to feed on the dead skin cells, and the feeling is like being tickle-attacked by a lumberjack’s bushy beard, brushing and entangling with the hairs on your own leg. Yeah, it’s pretty weird.

Fish Spa

I do always find it astonishing in places like this where you land at the airport and are greeted with big, bold red signs brandishing skulls-and-crossbones, warning of the death penalty for drug trafficking, only then to be openly offered weed, pills and mushrooms at just about every turn once you’ve made it beyond customs. Hilariously, I was offered Viagra on more than one occassion. The whole scene reminded me of that time I met 2-Pac.

Wanting to escape the frantic pace of things back in Legian and Kuta, we hired a driver and headed out for a day around the island. For about AU$70, we had a van and driver to ourselves for 9 hours, and we were taken to all the wonderful places where the driver was undoubtedly receiving a kickback: The traditional Balinese performance that we were delivered to halfway through, the lunchtime restaurant we had no say in, and my favourite of all, the shit coffee place (more on that in a sec).

Traditional dance

Once out of Kuta, Bali becomes a much slower paced, relaxed way of life. Rice paddies abound, fruit sellers by the side of the road, lots of crafts and small rural markets. Every few kilometres there pops up lots of little factory shops, selling commercial quantities of statues and furniture and other nick-nacks. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is where a lot of kitschy decorations that wind up in Wal Mart come from.

Somewhere about an hour or so out of Kuta, we stopped in Ubud to check out the Monkey Forest. We paid some local ladies for a handful of bananas, and then swiftly had them stolen from us by the cheeky little furry guys only moments later. You have to be careful around the nimble macaques, I’d witnessed thefts of water bottles, sunglasses and even attempted bag snatchings!

Not long after, we stopped at a plantation with various teas and spices, but the real lure was the coffee. It was pretty shit, and I say that in both a literal and metaphorical sense. The process used to make the coffee involves a cat-like creature, the lurwak, which eats, digests then excretes the coffee beans, before being cleaned, roasted and brewed. To be fair, I’d still probably drink it over instant coffee, but it wasn’t particularly special and the extra process didn’t seem to add any real depth or character to the flavour.

Lurwak

Shit coffee

We rounded out the day with a meal overlooking Mt Agung, a still active volcano (although it hasn’t erupted since 1964) and a quick detour to Tanah Lot, a temple by the sea. It turned out to be a pretty full-on day, that surprisingly takes a lot of energy out of you. With that, it seemed the appropriate thing to do was retire to the pool and enjoy the never ending happy hour.

Mt Agung

Bali’s not so bad. It’s cheap, it’s close to home and it has beaches. With that said, you could stay at home, go to beaches close to home, and not be buying shoddy souvenirs you won’t use (where did my stubby holders go?). Curiosity now satisfied, I’m off to conquer somewhere new.

Free trip to Kathmandu!

2012-07-24T16:08:46+10:00

When I was first contacted by Travelscene to see if I could be a part of the Facebook Fan Trip to Kathmandu, I had some difficulty believing if it was all for real. Now that it has been and gone, I still can’t believe that it all actually happened.

Joined by three other winners, I met Dan, Shannon and Trish for the first time just moments before boarding the plane in one of those awkward ‘hey I’m from the internet’ introductions. We all got on like a house on fire pretty much from the moment we met, which is pretty awesome since we were just about to spend the next 17 hours or so sitting about three inches apart.

Dan sleeping on my shoulder: not awesome.

First leg to our final destination of Kathmandu was a 9:50am flight with China Southern Airlines, around 10 hours from Sydney to Guangzhou. The seats were small but the legroom sufficient, and the food edible and about on par with most airlines. The service, on the other hand, left a little to be desired, with an attitude that seemed like any request was a hassle and even having calls for service actively ignored. The in flight entertainment was basic, with two different movies on communal screens, cycled through a couple times each.

There are videos reminding passengers to stretch throughout the flight. It results in this cabin-wide synchronised stretch. It’s beautiful.

The transfer in Guangzhou onto the Kathmandu-bound flight was relatively hassle free, and the flight itself was fine. Again, food was fine and in flight entertainment was less than amazing, though I spent most of my time trying to rest up for the days to come.

We were met at the airport by an affable bloke by the name of Anang and driven straight to our hotel. Anang made sure to outline everything that would happen over the next few days and how it would all go down, and put himself at our disposal for whatever our needs were over the next few days.

Hotel Everest was our accommodation for the next few nights, and according to online reviews, one of the classier establishments in the city. Boasting a rooftop bar, a pool and a casino among other things, we quickly discovered ‘rooftop’ actually means ‘it’s indoors on the top level,’ ‘pool’ indicated a foot of muddy water in a half finished trench, and that the casino was little more than a shed to the side of the hotel.

View of the pool and courtyard. Inviting.

View from the room

To be fair the hotel was a comfortable and safe place to stay, located in a spot close to everything, with friendly staff and excellent service. The all-you-can-eat breakfast was delicious and provided a nice mix of Nepali and Indian style foods, or you could opt for the toast and cereal if you were in a boring mood. The hotel was more than adequate in providing for our needs, but it needs to be pointed out that their idea of a fine hotel would likely struggle to gain a 3-star rating in many other places.

With daylight breaking some time before 5am and my body clock several time zones away, my first full day got off to an early start. As an interesting side note, Kathmandu sits in a weird quarter-hour time zone, 4 and a quarter hours behind Sydney, unlike the usual full-hour (or half hour if you’re one of those weirdos from South Australia)

We spent our first day being driven around the city, first checking out Swayambhunath temple, and ticking off the first of my ‘must-see’ sites in the city. Perched atop a high hill, we caught amazing views across the valley and many chances for some brilliant holiday snaps. Littered with colourful Buddhist flags in the trees and mischievous monkeys running amok, there was so much going on it was hard to know where to look.

Kathmandu Durbar Square was our next destination with a smattering of more temples and a royal compound-cum-museum. It was also a hotspot for locals hustling for an easy rupee or 500 from some unsuspecting sucker; enter Shannon. Shannon was a magnet for these people, receiving henna tattoos, purchasing strange trinkets and receiving impromptu personal tours any time she stopped. She seemed to enjoy it all, and I’m betting the locals were stoked with her generosity, so win-win.

Coincidentally, another must-see site on my list – Freak Street – happened to be situated right next to the square. A famous hippie hangout in the 60’s, these days Freak Street is an incredibly underwhelming and a regular old street, indistinguishable from any others in the area. Still, two out of three sites on my list crossed off in half a day, I was doing well.

The only time Freak St lived up to its name

Back in the van, we made tracks for Patan Durbar Square, at which point all these temples started blurring into a single memory. A few minutes and some photos later, we went and grabbed some lunch, then continued on with Anang for a walking tour through the back streets of Patan. Lots of old buildings and narrow alleys, we all noticed a resemblance to the stoney alleys of Venice. After a full on day amongst hoards of people, it was a nice change of pace to walk through practically deserted, quiet back streets.

We capped off the day with cocktails and dinner at an overtly touristy restaurant, complete with ‘traditional dancers’ decked out in traditional garb. Things became awkward towards the end when the dancers were performing to us only, and an otherwise empty room. The food was filling and delicious, but the really interesting part was the “local wine,” I believe they call it noshki. I put that in quotes because it was less wine-like and more tequila-from-hell type spirit. Our night was just starting.

Suddenly it’s morning, I’m a little hazy, there’s an empty bottle of vodka, some soda and numerous glasses scattered throughout my room. I’m pretty sure we all had a good night, but now we had to prepare ourselves for two days of trekking. Shan, Dan and I met up with an awesome bloke by the name of Rabindra, who was our guide on the trek for the next two days. Meanwhile Trish had to stay behind in Kathmandu because of ‘doctors orders,’ but I suspect it was more likely because she’s soft. And something something, scared of leopards, something something. Whatever the case, it was her loss.

Our friendly Travelscene reps did warn us we would NEED hiking boots and that runners were NOT appropriate footwear. In typical style, I said ‘screw that, I’m not buying new shoes for a two day trek’ and wore runners anyway. Our guide clearly thought I was an idiot, and an impressive fall late on the first day would confirm his thoughts. I had many close calls, almost rolling my ankles on at least a half dozen occasions, and save for a grazed knee I’m pretty sure I came out on top at the end of it all.

The accommodation was basic, but comfortable, and both nights our rooms had incredible views across the mountains. Rabindra made every effort to make sure we were all happy, letting us set our own pace, starting each morning at whatever time we felt we would be ready, and always cracking jokes and having fun with us.

Oh yeah, and this came out of the taps in one of the rooms I stayed in:

NOPE

Along the way we saw all kinds of plants an animals, from cows and goats to lizards and birds, and crops of corn and wheat to marijuana literally growing as a weed.

By the third morning, and last day of our adventure to Nepal, we were all pretty knackered and cut our trek short by a few kilometers so we could get back to Kathmandu nice and early, and spend our last few hours hanging out with Trish and loading up on cheap Nepalese goods. With that, we jumped in the world’s smallest taxi, hit up Thamel and bartered our way across town, picking up all sorts of goods such as tea, clothes, books and of course cashmere/pashmina scarves, throws and sweaters. Had fun sign-spotting too.

I personally had one last thing on my list that I wanted to do: The Garden of Dreams. It turns out it was right around the corner from where we were shopping, and for around AU$2 we made our way into the walled garden. It was a slice of peace and tranquility amongst a noisy and fast paced city, and apparently its every unoriginal Nepalese guys’ date spot, with loads of couples necking on around the joint. There we lay on the grass and ~~necked~~ chilled out for a couple hours, then off to the bar ar0und the corner for some cheeky beers before we had to head back to the airport.

It seemed like the whole trip was over as quickly as it had all come together. For a four-day trip, we packed in a hell of a lot and experienced so much, I had a pretty rad time. Then they hand us these newspapers on the flight home: